This year I got glasses. Andrew has told me for over 2 years that I need them. But I didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to take the time to go to the doctor and investigate the problem. Why? Because I thought I was completely fine. I truly thought my eyes were perfect. And then one day I gave in. I decided to make the call. Sure enough, I have needed glasses for years.
The moment I put my glasses on, I literally squealed at the lady behind the counter. It was unbelievable the things I could see. For the first time, I realized how bad my eyes were and how desperately I needed the help of glasses.
And throughout this past year, God has given me another pair of glasses. He has stripped away so many things in my life, and it has forced me to see clearer than I ever have before. There’s not all that junk hiding my view anymore. He’s taken away the safety and security I’ve hidden behind. The stuff that made me think I was OK. He had to get me to the point where I was ready to admit that I’m really not OK. I really might have a problem. I’ve seen some things about myself this past year. And they aren’t very pretty.
Halfway through writing this, I thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t write another negative post. Maybe I should write about the amazing grace of God throughout this journey.” And then I realized, that’s exactly what this is. You have to look deep sometimes, put on your glasses and see the really hideous stuff that lies within, to realize how truly amazing God’s grace is.
“Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven–for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.”- Luke 7:47. And I want to love much. So here’s to confessing my depravity in hopes that God’s great forgiveness produces an authentic and true love.
1. I am selfish. Very selfish. I want things to go my way. I want things to be easy.
2. I don’t care enough about other people. I want to love like Jesus does. But I fail quite often.
3. I trust in myself a lot more than I trust in God. To surrender means I give up EVERYTHING, including control.
4. I care way too much about what other people think.
5. I’m sometimes afraid that I’m going to miss what we’re “giving up”… that I’m not going to be as happy without those things.
– Those are just the tip of the iceberg. The flesh goes deep. And the longer you wear your glasses, the more details you’ll see: the dirt, the dust, the grime you never noticed before.
But here’s the Gospel:
Romans 7:24, “Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” and Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
God’s love has been so real, so deep and so faithful to me. I can’t believe He’s chosen me. Asked me to trust Him with everything. Because I am far from deserving. It’s grace beyond reason. The glasses He gave me were more than worth admitting I might have a problem. Yes, I can see the ugliness inside of me but the grace of God is more clear and sharp in my vision than ever before.