Failure.

Has God ever called you to something that scares you beyond belief? I mean, shakes you to the core. Where it’s all on the line. There’s no going back.

That’s where I am.

My biggest fear has never been heights. Or snakes. Or death. Or giant bugs. Or drowning. I fear all of those things. But they only peek around the corner every once in a while.

My true, faithful, constant, life-long companion has always been my fear of failure. He’s followed me everywhere.

I’m competitive. I’m driven. I’m self-sufficient. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist. I’ve excelled in school. In sports. In work. In relationships. But the root of these seemingly admirable qualities? My scary friend: failure.

I’m always trying to run from him. Or hide from him. Or just cover him up when I can’t quite seem to get away from him. And trust me, there are lots of options when choosing a cover: I can throw virtue over him. Or responsibility. Or commitment. Or duty. Over the years, I’ve become quite good at disguising my loyal friend.

But God decided He had other plans for my reliable sidekick. He set him smack-dab in front of me. And now, for the first time, we’re eye to eye, me and my fear of failure. I’ve never been this close to him before. This is the first time I’ve noticed how ugly he is. From far away he’s always looked relatively attractive and put together. Up close, I can see the grossness.

I am completely vulnerable, completely dependent and completely scared to death to look him in the eye. But here we stand.

All I can do is step closer. One foot at a time.

4 thoughts on “Failure.

  1. Pops says:

    You’re exactly right about the one step at a time.

    Quick thought – Our definition of success or the determination of our goals will determine how we define failure and it’s different for each of us. As difficult as it is, we should never allow others (the world) to give us our definition.

    In my eyes, you have never been a failure and you never will be, no matter the outcome. How can a desire to please God ever be considered failure?

    I sense a real smackdown will be coming soon over your long-time “friend.”
    Proud of you and love you!
    Pops

  2. Dabney says:

    And that is exactly where God wants you to be, my friend. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and God has the most amazing plan for your life. Keep writing, posting and sharing your heart. You’re an amazing person with many God-given gifts. Can’t wait to read more.

    Love you!

  3. crystal says:

    hang in there…if it’s one thing i’ve learned lately it’s DIG DEEP! get in the word and get in the word and get IN THE WORD. that is really the only thing that makes the difference.

    once you face that fear…he’s not so scary.

    xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s