Has God ever called you to something that scares you beyond belief? I mean, shakes you to the core. Where it’s all on the line. There’s no going back.
That’s where I am.
My biggest fear has never been heights. Or snakes. Or death. Or giant bugs. Or drowning. I fear all of those things. But they only peek around the corner every once in a while.
My true, faithful, constant, life-long companion has always been my fear of failure. He’s followed me everywhere.
I’m competitive. I’m driven. I’m self-sufficient. I’m somewhat of a perfectionist. I’ve excelled in school. In sports. In work. In relationships. But the root of these seemingly admirable qualities? My scary friend: failure.
I’m always trying to run from him. Or hide from him. Or just cover him up when I can’t quite seem to get away from him. And trust me, there are lots of options when choosing a cover: I can throw virtue over him. Or responsibility. Or commitment. Or duty. Over the years, I’ve become quite good at disguising my loyal friend.
But God decided He had other plans for my reliable sidekick. He set him smack-dab in front of me. And now, for the first time, we’re eye to eye, me and my fear of failure. I’ve never been this close to him before. This is the first time I’ve noticed how ugly he is. From far away he’s always looked relatively attractive and put together. Up close, I can see the grossness.
I am completely vulnerable, completely dependent and completely scared to death to look him in the eye. But here we stand.
All I can do is step closer. One foot at a time.