I messed up again.
My desperate attempts to maintain control and push down my hot emotions were futile. The anger rising up in me erupted. The hot, boiling contents spilling onto my four year old.
My immediate sense of failure angered me more. Why can’t I get this right?!?! Where is my own self-control I constantly teach Kate about? Where was my gentleness and patience we sing about in those sweet songs?
I got down on her level and looked into her innocent eyes, my own eyes welling with tears. “I’m so sorry honey. Mommy messed up. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with you.”
Without missing a beat, she looked at me and said, “You’re the best mom in the world. I forgive you. Our family forgives you. And God forgives you.”
Priceless words to hear from a four year old.
As I was making lunch, my mind meddled in my failure. Inside my head was the familiar beating that guilt and shame took on my Spirit. But as the lies loudened, a soft but familiar voice entered my space. “I didn’t die on the cross for you to hold on to your guilt. I took that too. Your sin and your shame.”
When we hold onto shame, it holds onto us. Christ died for the failure and He also died for us to walk in freedom. Whenever I hold onto shame, I’m telling Jesus that what He did on the cross wasn’t enough and that I need to punish myself a little bit more.
“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” – Romans 8:1-2